It is important to remember that people will not cut down or stop gambling until they believe that change is necessary. 

Set Boundaries

Sometimes it is easy to want to shield the person from the negative consequences of their gambling – this may involve paying for the person’s overdue bills or making excuses for the person’s behaviour. However, this means that the person is not facing the problem and makes it more likely that they will continue gambling.

Talk to the Person

Choose your time to talk – it is important that the person is able to focus on what you are saying. If they are distracted or aggressive it is unlikely they will listen and engage with you about the problem.

Be honest about how you feel – let the person know how you are feeling and how the gambling problem is affecting you. It is important for the person with the gambling problem to understand the consequences of their gambling. Use examples of the person’s behaviour and how it affects you. It can help to use ‘I’ statements such as ‘I feel…’ or ‘I’m worried that…’ rather than saying ‘You must…’ or ‘Your problem is…’ This helps avoid statements that sound judgemental and produce a defensive reaction. 

Avoid arguments – although this is not easy and you will naturally feel hurt and angry by the person’s behaviour it can help to remain calm when you talk to them. Try to stick to your main points rather than getting into arguments. It can help to write down what you want to say beforehand.

Listen carefully – listen carefully to what they are saying and repeat back to them what they have said to avoid getting it wrong. This can help the person feel that they are understood.

Encourage positive change – try to focus on any positive changes that the person may have already made and let them know that people can do get control back in their lives and repair the damage of problem gambling. 

Encourage the person to seek help

If you need the help of a counsellor to mediate between you and the person with the gambling problem, get in touch with a Gambling Help Service

To find out how to help yourself if someone you know has a gambling problem, click here